12. Write it down

When you got nothing else to do and it's 3 in the morning and you feel sad, what do you do? You write it down. :)

First of all i'm really not sad, but I guess I am for no reason. You know, this thing when midnight hits and the only thing that you could think about is the part when you get sad. Or problems, and you get emotional or whatever. And guess what's playing on my background? Yes it is, "Kiss The Rain." =))))

For those who do not know the song, listen to it and promise me not to listen to it over and over again. :)) I would probably like to acknowledge blogger at this very moment, you have been very helpful to me since the day i decided to go back. :)

I just wish i could sleep this off because a wonderful day is waiting for me. But I know everyday i lie to myself. I keep telling myself, "hey everything is going to be okay." NO. Nothing is gonna be okay unless i get my ass moving.

Okay, what to do? check. I certainly know what to do. *Pause* Before I continue, i'm talking about something you guys should not know about, but when the perfect time comes, i would absolutely let you know. Just not know. *Unpause* I have made plans, I have everything inside my head running and stressing me out everyday. And i just want to get rid of this feeling. But i am too scared. Plus, i am scared to admit that i am scared because i have been fooling myself that this situation is gonna be ironed. I told someone (who knows about everything i'm talking about here) that i cannot get this thing fixed because i do not have the enough strength and courage to face it. And she told me, i have those things i am just scared. I guess i really am. I am being redundant here, right? Haha!

But here's the thing, We too many times ask, "Why me?" I gotta admit i have asked that to God many times already. I have been a faithful man to God, I know that to myself and It's kinda unfair why me? There are too many people who deserve to experience such punishments or consequences, that is the biggest factor why too many times we ask God, "Why me?"

We may have unanswered questions, things may be too difficult for us, too complicated it may be. But little did we know, we haven't reached anything yet. We haven't even opened the first page of the book, yes we may have but there are hundreds of pages in a book. I was in a youth service earlier this evening and a pastor said, "God has prepared something for you." (Those words brought tears into my eyes.) It is just so amazing how we think that this is the ending of it, but hey, it hasn't even started yet. :) God has something in store for me. God isn't finished with me yet because greater thing are yet to come. :)

All I see is darkness, my problem, my dilemma, the consequences of it but i have no time looking for his purpose for me. And God constantly reminding me that He is with me and all I should do is to put my trust in Him and i didn't see that. I was losing hope. Losing faith, but God loves his children and He only wants the best for them. :) I guess she was right (the person i was talking about a while ago who knows all about this stuff) why am i being afraid? Where is the faith i am talking about?

I am still scared. But hey, I saw the light. And I am going through that light. Because I trust my Almighty Father, and I have the faith that this is just temporary. Because I have an everlasting God. :)

PS, i got the "pause unpause" thing on HIMYM. YOU GUYS SHOULD SEE THAT SERIES IT'S AWESOME. :> And going back on the 2nd paragraph, there is a reason. :)